Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
