Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
