I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
