I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
