youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize