you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
