If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
