Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
