i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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