I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
