It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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