You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
