never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize