whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
