i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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