am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
