I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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