I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
