I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
