I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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