We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
