I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
