I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize