doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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