Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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