I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
