either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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