I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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