I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize