I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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