I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
