she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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