so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize