what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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