You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
