wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
birth control should be required to get into college
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
