If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
