Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
