You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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