I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
