you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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