I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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