But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
