Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
