why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
