Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
