im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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