You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
