i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize