Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
