please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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