get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
