You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
