i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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