They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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