Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
