I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
