i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
