And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize