You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Houston, we have a blender
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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