Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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