I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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