Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize