hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
