I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
