tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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