Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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