ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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